Disclaimer: The usual yada yada yada Paramount, so don't get upset. Just borrowing some of your characters for my story.

The Family Series - Book Six

Looking Back

by Dee Price


"Honey" called out Chakotay from the desk. "Where did I put Jonathan's latest report?"

Kathryn, deeply involved in some reading, glanced up with a rather disconcerted look on her face. "What dear?" she asked.

Chakotay started grinning and walked over to her, bent down and kissed her. She responded with passion, and then smiled and said, "Of course I love you."

"That's not what I asked," he said softly, but with merriment twinkling in his eyes.

"But I think it was a darn good answer!" she said and they both started to laugh.

"The absolute best answer," he said after he finally stopped laughing. **

Jonathan, lying on the grass out by The Family, chuckled softly as he thought back on that moment. Bartu, sitting in the rocking chair Maori had placed out by sculpture so he could enjoy the nightly gatherings, frowned and said, "Why are you laughing Jonathan?"

Jonathan rose up on one elbow and looked over at him. "Oh I was just thinking of mom and dad and something that happened a few years ago."

Bartu smiled. "Ah yes, Chakotay and Kathryn. They loved each other so much, Jonathan - so much. I see it in their eyes and in the way they acted with each other. Never put on. So real, so real," he murmured as he slowly swung his head back and forth in disbelief "In fact," he said as he smiled a rather sly smile, "each time I saw them in the village I would be so full of love myself that I would go home to my wife."

Jonathan burst out laughing as he sensed the implication. "And how many children resulted from your seeing mom and dad, Bartu?"

Bartu's grin broadened and he held up three fingers. "One time when I come home early my wife take one look and say "Aiyee! You see that man and woman again today!"

Jonathan, along with Annie and Maori who were also lying on the grass, broke out in riotous laughter, with Jonathan rolling on the grass and tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Is something wrong with Jonathan? I say something wrong?" Bartu asked in a worried tone.

"No, no, Bartu. You are just too much!" Maori managed to choke out while laughing.

"Too much? I cannot understand what I do that is too much."

"It's just an expression. It means you are just so very wonderful."

"Oh," he said and then became quiet and a sad look crossed his face as he, too, reflected back. "I miss my friends, I miss the village. Do you not think you can take me back home now?"

Jonathan became very somber as he stopped laughing. He looked at Maori, who knowing the moment had finally come, slowly nodded her head.

Jonathan in a very emotion-laden voice said, "I'm sorry, Bartu. But you see that is impossible. Your village and the wormhole no longer exist. The Borg attacked your village and assimilated it."

"I am sorry, but I do not understand this Borg."

Jonathan and Maori glanced at one another and then both stood. "I think it is about time we showed you, Bartu," said Maori as she took his arm and helped him up.

They all walked inside, Maori sat down at the computer and brought up all the Borg pictures and information. "This is what they do to people, Bartu. This is what the people in your village are now and what you would be if Jonathan hadn't brought you to the house that day to treat your wound."

Bartu stared and then sat down in the chair Maori had just vacated, and looked closely at the picture of the Borg. "Everyone is like this now?" he whispered in a shocked voice.

"I'm afraid so, Bartu," said Maori as she placed her arm around his shoulders.

"And it is what we would look like, too, if we hadn't escaped," added Jonathan as he slipped his arm around Annie and kissed her gently on the cheek.

Slowly, as realization dawned on Bartu, a horrified look crossed his face. "Everyone is like this now? Even my children?"

Jonathan nodded. "I'm sorry Bartu. Sometimes some people manage to get away but mom and dad said not many do, which makes our escape very fortunate. I'm sorry you had to see this, but it was the only way you would understand and know that this is your home now."

Bartu stared in horror at the screen. "Animals!" he shouted and raised his fist to smash the screen but Jonathan caught it, and bending down, hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry Bartu," Jonathan whispered.

Bartu sat silently staring at the screen. Slowly tears formed and trickled down his weather-beaten cheeks. "Aiyee," he said softly.

It had been five days since they had returned from the planet. Jonathan and the crew, along with Tom and B'Elanna, had spent two days in debriefings, then one day Adam and Jonathan had delivered all the sculptures, with all the small tabletop 'Family' sculptures being given to each person who made the trip.

As to the large sculptures, Adam chose the one where the man and woman were walking and holding hands. Bartu had explained it was one of the first times he had seen Chakotay and Kathryn as he always went into the village at sunrise so he could spend the rest of the day working in his shop. Gradually he came to know them and discovered this day Kathryn was three months pregnant with her first child, which clearly had great significance for Adam as he was the first born.

Katie took the one where the man was sitting on a box and the woman was standing beside him, each having one arm around the other and looking at each other lovingly. Jonathan had specifically been given the one of Kathryn and Chakotay that was an almost identical likeness, and where Kathryn and Chakotay were standing, holding hands and seemingly looking deep into each other's eyes. It seemed every time Bartu had seen them he had gotten some idea for a new sculpture. Following those tasks everyone settled down to relax and return mentally to the present world.

While at the planet, Jonathan had finally seemed to accept the deaths of his mother and father. However, during the second week after their return home he started to become quiet, staring into space and was not very lively in action or conversation in the family gatherings. Maori watched closely and after another week of silence became concerned he was regressing to his previous state and decided to have a family gathering on the coming Sunday. Maybe with everyone present, along with all the noise of the children, he would come out of this 'blue' mood.

Following dinner, as was the usual custom, most were laying around in the backyard watching the children play or engaged in conversations. Noticing Jonathan was again quiet, Maori walked to him and after kneeling down, pointedly asked, "Jonathan, what's wrong?"

Jonathan looked up at her, and as brothers and sisters sometimes do, knew she sensed his problem. "I'm afraid, Maori," he softly whispered.

"Of what?" she asked quietly.

"I want to know about Dad's dying and his funeral but even after this long period of time, I don't know whether I can take it."

Understanding now what the problem was, and in a gentle, compassionate tone, she said, "I believe you can, Jonathan. With all of us here, we will help you." She looked deep into his troubled eyes, and then continued. "We have avoided that subject, even on the planet, but now is the time. It will do all of us good and I really think you should know. Let's gather everyone in a group at The Family and I'll tell you all about it."

Jonathan looked at Maori, ready to say no, but hesitated as he looked at her, and then slowly nodded his head.

* * * * *

After assembling everyone at The Family, Maori hesitated a moment as she looked at Jonathan and then said in a clear voice, "Jonathan needs to know about Dad, and I feel this is the right time."

Both Adam and Katie, after only a slight hesitation, during which they quickly glanced at their brother, nodded their heads and Annie reached out for Jonathan's hand, knowing this was going to be a difficult, even traumatic time for her husband. Maori started, not leaving out a single detail..................

** Kathryn lay quietly on her back on the grass. Tears slowly ran down her cheek, past her ear and disappeared into the grass as she listened to the moan of the wind. Chakotay, her beloved husband Chakotay, had died yesterday evening and her heart was crying out its agony in fitful bursts of pain as she looked up at the moon hanging overhead.

In the distance she heard the mournful wail of a dog crying out for its mate. A few days ago a family down the street had lost one of their two pets, and as Kathryn listened to the dog's cry she whispered, "I know exactly how you feel my friend."

Maori, who had come back outside, listened as she stood to one side and then walked over and sat down beside her mother, who rose up and leaned into her, trying to draw strength from her daughter. Maori placed her arm around her mother's shoulders and gently squeezed.

Kathryn laid her head on Maori's shoulder and took a deep breath, then as she slowly exhaled said, "I'm so empty without him Maori. Why did he have to leave me?" and despite her efforts an audible sob escaped her lips.

"I don't know Mom, I guess the Spirits just needed Dad to help on something that no one else could do but him."

Kathryn didn't answer and Maori expected none, knowing there wasn't anything she could say that would assuage the devastating pain her mother was now feeling.

Kathryn lifted her head and looked up at the stars, which somehow did not seem as bright or twinkling this evening. "Even the stars are lonely," she murmured, then added, "I feel so bad for Jonathan, too. He worshipped his father."

"I know," said Maori as she thought of her brother who was on an extended deep space mission for Starfleet. "By the time he receives the message and gets emergency transport back, Dad will have long been laid to his eternal rest. Jonathan will be absolutely devastated."

Kathryn nodded. "It will be weeks before he gets back he's so far out and we can't wait that long."

"What did Starfleet say when you informed them about Dad?" asked Maori.

"Not much except for condolences, but this afternoon they called back and said they were going to have a big State Funeral. I objected, as Chakotay wouldn't want all that attention. I finally told them to just have a Memorial Service, but the funeral would be private."

Maori squeezed her mother's shoulders in agreement.

At that moment Adam arrived, having left earlier to take Jennie and their two children home. He sat by his mother and gave her a deep, long hug, ending with a kiss on the cheek and a whispered "How are you doing Mom?"

Kathryn just looked at him, the tears flowing freely and shook her head. Both Maori and Adam, tightened their arms around her in understanding, their hearts also breaking, not only for the loss of their father, but knowing the absolute devastation their mother was going through.

They sat in silence with only the continuing mournful wail of the dog being heard. Finally Adam asked, "Katie isn't back yet?"

"She called a few minutes ago and said she was on her way. Chris was crying uncontrollably over Grandpa and she couldn't get him to stop so he could go to sleep," responded Maori.

"I know," said Adam nodding his head. "Daniel and Rebecca are the same, but Rebecca doesn't quite understand. She cries because Daniel is crying and he constantly asks where's Grandpa and when is he coming back."

Those last words only added to Kathryn's grief and she started sobbing. Adam and Maori tightened their arms around her, trying to absorb some of her grief.

Shortly Katie arrived and after hugging her mother sat down facing the three. "Chris okay?" asked Maori. Katie nodded as she wiped tears away. "For awhile. I'll sure be glad when the service is over."

Maori then informed both of their mother's decision on a private funeral and received nods of agreement. "Dad wouldn't want all that fuss," said Adam, "And yet he deserves to be honored, Mom." Kathryn gave no response and all sat quietly looking at The Family.

An agonized shout of "Grandma," broke the silence as Annie, Kolopak and Jeremiah arrived. Kolopak lunged into Kathryn's arms, crying loudly as his short arms went around her neck and he buried his face in her chest. Kathryn held him tight and started to rock back and forth, whispering, "I know, sweetheart, I know." Jeremiah, in Annie's arms, watched this for a moment, and then turning to his mother laid his head on her chest, not understanding what had happened, only that it was something very bad as everyone was crying. "Grandpa gone?" he asked. Annie could only nod her head.

"I'm sorry, Mom" said Annie softly, "But Kolopak absolutely insisted he wanted to be with you, to the point I knew I wouldn't be able to control him."

Kathryn looked up at Annie and nodded her head. "It's alright, Annie," she said quietly.

Just then the Incoming Communiqué chirp was heard, and Adam jumped up saying "I'll get it" as he ran towards the house. A few minutes later Adam called out it was Starfleet and they wanted to make some arrangements.

Kathryn looked at Katie and Maori, had them help her up and said, "You two come with me - we'll make this decision together. Knowing Starfleet, they still want a grand ceremony." She sighed deeply and started for the house.

Fifteen minutes later, and after protracted discussion pro and con with Admiral Ross and the children, the decision was made. Starfleet would still have a large Memorial Service, but thousands of people had been asking about the funeral so it was decided a State Funeral would be allowed, up to entering the cemetery gates. A procession in a pre-laid route, and somewhat like President Kennedy's 1963 funeral with a horse-drawn caisson carrying the casket was decided. That way the citizens could line the streets and pay their respects.

Silently Kathryn resolved to be strong on that day - at least she hoped she would.

* * * * *

The day of the funeral was a bright sunny day, albeit on the cool side with the slight Bay winds.

The family arrived at the funeral home and had a private gathering at Chakotay's casket. All cried and kissed him one last time. Kathryn looked down on his peaceful countenance and her lower lip started to tremble. Determined not to break down, she braced her posture, and stepped away. Then it was time to lay Chakotay away to his eternal rest and the casket was sealed. A few minutes later they entered the open-aired Shuttle Glider, which would follow behind the caisson. As the shuttle moved into place Kathryn noted a horse up front with two boots in reverse position in the stirrups of the empty saddle.

As the procession moved slowly down the streets, the only thing heard in the eerie silence of the respectful crowd was the soft clip clop of the horse's hooves and the cadence of a muffled drum beat. Kathryn became aware of little children crying and adults dabbing at their eyes as the procession passed, and silently marveled at the impact Chakotay had made on this city in the last twenty-five years with all his charity work and helping hand on various projects.

Kathryn briefly glanced back and was momentarily startled to see a very large group of people, twelve abreast, following silently behind. She recognized the faces of Tom, B'Elanna, Tuvok, Harry and Neelix and suddenly realized this large group was the crewmembers of Voyager! Briefly she wondered where they had all assembled and joined the procession, but realized it was probably at the beginning, as she was too intent on looking ahead to notice. A lump larger than the one she already had suddenly formed in her throat and felt like it would choke her and a few tears broke free and ran freely down her cheeks. She squeezed Adam and Katie's hands very hard and as the children looked back to see what she had seen, they felt immense pride at this show of love and respect for their former Commander.

Finally the procession reached the National Cemetery gates and as they passed through Kathryn became acutely aware the entire road to the gravesite was lined on both sides by Starfleet cadets, all standing ramrod stiff as the caisson rolled by.

Suddenly she thought of her statement that the service would be private and immediately knew what she had to do.

"Stop!" she called out and as the horse came to a halt ahead of them, and the Shuttle settled to the ground, Kathryn stood and turned back to the gates. "Let the crew in!" she called out in her most authoritarian tone. The Lt. at the gate nodded and stepped aside, and the crew formed five abreast lines and started walking through the gate. Adam, Katie and Maori smiled at their mother, indicating complete agreement with this change of plans.

The service itself was brief. White Rain gave a short ‘Prayer For The Departing Spirit,' "Amazing Grace" was played by a lone man on a nearby hilltop with his Bagpipes, eliciting tears from everyone, the flag was folded and presented to Kathryn and the children and grandchildren all placed a rose on the casket. Kathryn, after placing her rose, kissed the casket and whispered, "I'll see you soon my love." Maori, near enough to hear this felt her heart skip a beat.

A little later at fourteen hundred hours everyone gathered at the massive outdoor Amphitheatre for the Starfleet Memorial Service. This venue allowed not only all of Starfleet, but thousands of citizens to attend.

Chakotay's virtues were extolled by many of the brass, but the one thing Kathryn approved and enjoyed was the fact many of the old crew were on the stage and told of their encounters with Chakotay, which brought much laughter to the audience. Neelix was especially amusing telling about the first time Chakotay had tasted his Leola Root Soup and how Neelix had almost ended up wearing it after Chakotay's first and only sip. "It was only my extreme agility at dodging the mouthful of soup that spewed from Chakotay's mouth that saved me," he said as he laughed. Even Kathryn laughed at this.

After the service the family invited the crew to the house and many came, all giving Kathryn a hug and extending their personal best wishes. Somehow Kathryn had managed all these festivities, but couldn't keep the moistness from her eyes, nor the occasional stray tear that got away.

At last the day was over, everyone had left and the family walked outside to the sculpture and stood staring in reverent silence at The Family. All touched the father, kissed him and then per their mother's orders, started for home, leaving Maori and her mother alone. **

At this point Maori hesitated as she studied Jonathan a moment. He was sitting with his head hanging down, and she knew without seeing he was crying. Then she continued. "Mom was a very strong individual, especially when in Starfleet, as everyone knows, but as we've previously mentioned, she was completely lost without Dad. Following the burial she spent all her time at the kitchen table or out at The Family just staring at the father with seemingly unending tears. To me she lost all desire to live and there wasn't anything I could do. It was so unlike her I told Adam and Katie she was willing herself to die and although perfectly healthy she . . . "

"Thanks Maori," interrupted Jonathan in a hoarse voice. "Thanks for sharing everything about dad. I needed to hear the whole story, but not Mom yet, okay? Another time maybe."

Jonathan then glanced around at everyone and saw all had tears. Kolopak, who had come to sit beside Jonathan when Maori started, had his arms wrapped tightly around his father's one leg, this action conveying the feeling that if he held tight his father wouldn't leave like Grandpa had. Jonathan ruffled his son's hair and smiled, then saw that Bartu was silently crying.

"Bartu?" he said rising and going to him. "Are you alright?"

Bartu nodded. "I will be okay Jonathan. Chakotay was great man and Kathryn and Chakotay were such special couple. Their love flowed out and wrapped it's arms around everyone, and even now I can see them in village as clearly as if yesterday. Their love was like star shining at its brightest and they never made effort to hide their feelings. All at the village talked about them for weeks after each visit and I think not only my family, but several families made extra children after they would leave!"

Everyone burst out laughing, breaking the solemn moment. "Sounds like your village was well populated by the unbridled love of Mom and Dad, Bartu," giggled Maori.

He chuckled. "Yes I think that is so, Maori. And that is not a bad thing except ... " He stopped as he thought of the Borg and clenched both fists.

Jonathan sensing his thought immediately moved to his side and put his arms around him. "Try not to think of those bad things. Maybe some of them got away."

"I hope, Jonathan, I hope," he said sadly.

* * * * *

As she fixed dinner two nights later, Maori giggled, then feeling foolish glanced over at Bartu. He smiled at her and said, "This family always seem to be happy, Maori."

"Most of the time we are. Got it from Mom and Dad I guess because they were so in love and happy together. I miss them very much, Bartu."

He nodded. "Yes. I see Adam, Katie and Jonathan have very sad eyes sometimes. Kathryn and Chakotay were very special people and your family was so close with so much love between all of you. I remember one day in the village.............

** "Now Jonathan be careful and don't step on those fruits," said Kathryn as the family walked down the street in the village. "And remember the tables are not set out in straight rows." It was early in the morning and the family had come to get some fresh produce and see about some plumbing supplies Chakotay needed for their water system. Jonathan was walking backwards as he talked with his mom and dad.

"I'll be careful momma," he said with a laugh.

Just then Bartu coming in the opposite direction spotted Kathryn and Chakotay and called out to them. Jonathan turned to greet him and saw he was heading towards a table laden with fruit. He managed a little hop to dodge it, but in so doing his foot stepped on a loose rock causing the foot to skid, thus throwing him towards the table. A horrified look crossed his face as he desperately tried to regain his balance and not crash into the table and finally managed to twist away, virtually doing a three sixty with his arms and legs flailing through the air before plopping seat first on the ground.

Realizing he wasn't hurt by all those gyrations Kathryn and Chakotay started to laugh, at first just chuckles, followed quickly by loud guffaws, but Bartu, concerned only for Jonathan's welfare, hurried up to see if Jonathan was hurt. Only then did he realize everyone was laughing.

"Jonathan!" he said still concerned. "Are you alright?"

Jonathan was laughing so hard he could hardly talk. "I'm fine, Mr Bartu," he said as he scrambled to his feet and dusted his pants off. "And momma, I didn't knock anything over or step on anything!"

Kathryn still laughing said, "No but you almost broke in two trying to avoid that table! Now face forward when you walk after this," she said in a stern voice. She looked at Chakotay who was still laughing. "You're a big help, honey. Talk to your son." Then as the image flashed through her mind again of Jonathan's gyrations, she threw her head back and burst out in loud laughter. "Oh to be that young and flexible once again."

"Look out, momma!" called out Jonathan.

Kathryn lowered her head to see what Jonathan was warning her about, but not in time as she walked straight into a table laden with vegetables, and as it started to tip Chakotay made a diving wild grab, managing to get hold of one end of the table, but not before most of the vegetables went skittering to the ground.

Apologizing profusely to the vendor, both she, Chakotay and the children helped pick everything up, bought a bag full and turned towards Bartu who was standing and just watching all this with a big smile on his face. Kathryn's face was beet red and the children and Chakotay couldn't stop laughing.

"Hello Bartu. Welcome to the klutzy Chakotay family!" said Kathryn grinning.

Bartu chuckled. "For small Jonathan he was like a flying acrobat. For you, Mrs. Chakotay, however . . . " and he just clucked his tongue causing everyone to laugh all the harder.

Kathryn slipped her arm around his shoulder. "It's Kathryn, Bartu, and we have certainly started off the day in an auspicious manner. I'm still embarrassed."

"No need, Kathryn," said Bartu smiling. "You would be surprised how often that happens, especially with the young children. They run all the time. Only with them they get a lecture and spanking!" Then he started to laugh. "Only I don't think I can turn you over my lap. However, if you wish to sit on my lap . . . " and he grinned at Chakotay.

Chakotay burst out in loud laughter, waggled one finger at Bartu and then slipped his arms around Kathryn and pulled her close as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. "It's not often I get to see my wife knocking things over, Bartu. And a spanking would really be something to see." Looking down at Kathryn he assumed a stern voice. "That was quite an example for our children, sweetheart, I'm shocked. As a matter of fact I am not going to let you forget that for one little moment." All the children burst out laughing knowing their father was going to tease their mother unmercifully for quite awhile.

Kathryn snuggled her head onto his shoulder and peering up at him with a child-like expression, smiled and purred, "You are so bad, sweetheart - you know it was an accident."

Chakotay winked at Bartu as the children, thoroughly enjoying this moment, continued to laugh. "Accident? You just warned Jonathan to watch where he was going then walk into a table yourself. If I didn't know you better I would think that was deliberate!" Then he started laughing and pulled Kathryn tight as he kissed the top of her head. "But I love you despite your being a klutz!" Glancing back to Bartu his eyes began a mischievous twinkle and he added, "But I would be very jealous if Kathryn sat in your lap, Bartu. Have you been seeing my wife behind my back?"

Bartu tried to feign innocence of any wrong doing, and then chuckling at this teasing asked them to have a cold drink with him before they left. After agreeing they would like this Kathryn and Chakotay walked off arm in arm and each holding a hand of one of their children. Bartu stood looking after them and shook his head. "So much love ... so much love," he muttered to himself. ............ **

Maori giggled at Bartu's story. "I somehow can't even picture mom walking into a table. I would love to have seen that!" Then she giggled louder imagining the scene Bartu had just described. "But, Jonathan . . . now that's a different story. I totally picture him dodging that table!"

"What table?" came a voice from near the house.

Maori turned and saw Jonathan, Nick and Tyler walking across the yard, and smiling said, "Bartu was just telling me about the time in the village you almost knocked over a table of vegetables or fruit."

Jonathan grinned broadly as he recalled that incident. "I remember that time! I managed to avoid it, but mom didn't! She was so embarrassed and poppa kidded her about it for weeks."

Maori then smiled at Nick and Tyler. "Good evening you two. What brings you here?"

Nick and Tyler looked at each other and then Tyler said, "Actually we just wanted to say hello and goodbye."

"Goodbye?" questioned Maori with a frown.

"Yes," said Nick. "Tyler and I have both been assigned another mission, and on the same ship!"

"So soon after your return?"

"It's with Captain Darok and we didn't want to miss that opportunity," said Tyler as he looked closely at Maori.

"He's the Vulcan Captain, Maori," said Jonathan. "Fantastic man. I wouldn't mind serving with him myself - in fact he talked to me about it, but I told him I was just not ready to resume my Starfleet duties yet."

"And as a Vulcan he, of course, did not understand, even though he said he did, but accepted Jonathan's refusal with "Another time perhaps," added Nick with a small chuckle.

"So when is departure?" asked Maori.

"Tomorrow at 0500 hours," both chorused, then laughed as they looked at one another. Tyler then added, "We stopped by to see you for a minute as we are actually on our way to stow our gear and check in."

"How long is this mission?"

"Six months, a rather short one, so it's not too bad. We'll both miss you Maori," said Tyler, then quickly, as he blushed, continued with, "Actually, we'll miss all of you. Jonathan. That trip to the planet was something I will always remember. I enjoyed it very much, the peace and getting back to simple things, and both Nick and I want to thank you for treating us like family," then he walked over to Jonathan, gave him a hug, did the same with Bartu, hesitated a second with Maori then hugged her, perhaps a little tighter than the others, and ended with a kiss on her cheek. Maori hugged him back as she whispered, "Be careful and take care of yourself."

Nick also hugged everyone, but demurred from kissing Maori, sensing that he might not be part of that picture. However, Maori kissed his cheek, told him to be careful and then Nick and Tyler left.

Jonathan looked at Maori, then his eyes twinkling said, "First no boyfriends now three?"

Maori giggled and shook her head, but she and Jonathan had always shared and she sighed as she looked at him. "I haven't said anything to Matthew because he's on a mission, but I do feel confused Jonathan."

He nodded his head. "Both Nick and Tyler like you a lot Maori, and both are great guys. You wont go wrong with either one," then he stopped and waited for Maori to respond.

"I know and on the planet I enjoyed both their company, but I just don't know . . ."

Jonathan grinned. "It will work itself out Maori. Sometimes it just takes time."

"But Adam and Jennie knew even though they took time to be engaged. Katie knew when she saw James and you knew the very instant you saw Annie. Why am I different?"

He reached out and pulled her tight. "Because you're special, my precious sister. Because you're special."

* * * * *

** Chakotay sat with his arms around Kathryn and kissing the top of her head as she nestled into his shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled, almost a shy smile. "I love you so much, sweetheart. Did I ever tell you that or tell you that you are my life?"

His dimples immediately sprung to life. "No, you never have," he teased, then lowering his head, kissed her. She ran her hand through his hair, holding his head down, thus prolonging the kiss. When their lips finally, reluctantly parted, he whispered, "And I love you so very much and am ever so grateful you love me and are my precious wife," then he softly kissed her again as she quietly said, "Don't ever leave me my love, even for a second," and his answer was immediate - "Never."

Maori, sitting across the room smiled as she watched this display of love. She could actually feel its intensity and depth - it was filling the room and giving her tingling goose bumps. Chakotay glanced over at her and smiled, then buried his face in Kathryn's hair as she again nestled her head into his shoulder, a contented look on her face.

"How could I have been so stupid and stayed away from you for so long on Voyager?"

Chakotay grinned. "Because you were blind to my charm?"

Kathryn laughed and then huskily said, "I must have been - that or stupid."

"No not stupid my love. You were Captain of a ship and felt obligated to perform that duty. But it was rather fortuitous and maybe fore ordained when you left the ship, don't you think?"

Kathryn smiled and as she pulled his head down to press her lips on his said, "It was meant to be my love," and they engaged in a long and passionate kiss before Kathryn snuggled into Chakotay's arms and they both sat quietly.

After a moment's silence, Maori spoke in a hushed tone. "Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone. I need to check on something at the hospital," and as she rose and started across the room, Kathryn giggled. "Our daughter knows us very well, honey." Chakotay grinned as he adjusted his arms around her shoulders and legs, and standing, carried his wife up the stairs. Maori giggled as she went out the door shaking her head. Even now, after all these years and four children, their love was just so strong.............. **

As Maori, who had gone into her parent's bedroom and now sat on the bed, thought back on that time, a single tear slowly trickled down her cheek and she hastily dabbed at it with a handkerchief. She was alone today and often came into this room during those moments. She felt close to her parents in here and could feel their loving spirits wrap their arms around her. Jonathan had almost been destroyed emotionally with his parents' passing, and Adam and Katie had been devastated.

Despite being the youngest, it fell upon her to be the strong one and despite being a Doctor and seeing traumatic injuries and presiding over people's deaths, losing her parents had affected her more than her brothers and sisters would ever know. It was only in solitude moments like this that she let herself go. More tears appeared and worked their way down her face as she continued to think about her Mom and Dad.

She desperately missed hearing their laughter, seeing their love, being able to walk into a room and see and talk to them. Continuing to live here after Adam, Katie and Jonathan had married and found their own homes, had deepened her closeness with her parents, and though it was almost a year since they had passed on it hurt as much today as the day they had died. She slowly rubbed her hand on the bedspread then again swiped at more tears and uttered a choked sob.

Suddenly she was startled to feel a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Jonathan. Rising, she turned to him and they put their arms around one another. "I'm sorry, Maori," whispered Jonathan. "I have been so immersed in my own grief I failed to realize how hurt you were, too!" She just tightened her arms around Jonathan and started sobbing, finally letting go of some of the hurt she had been holding inside all this time. Her sobs increased in intensity.

Jonathan held her tight and kept murmuring in her ear it was all right, to let it all out. Finally after a prolonged period of time Maori stopped crying and pulling back from Jonathan put her hand on his cheek. "Thank you Jonathan. My 'teacher' is always here for me at the right times." He smiled and they started for the door. Slipping his arm around her waist, they walked down the stairs and as they reached the front room he said, "I'll fix us some tea and we'll drink it out at The Family."

Later, Bartu who had been napping, and Maori sat in the shade in chairs by The Family while Jonathan lay quietly on his back on the grass. Suddenly he sat up. "Maori, you said Mom willed herself to die."

Maori looked over at him and frowned but said, "Yes, she did."

"Would it help you to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

Maori looked away for a moment. Jonathan was now reversing the situation and wanting to help her! After thinking about it for a bit, she knew it would be good for both of them and finally nodded her head as she glanced at him.

"Tell me about Mom, Maori, and don't leave anything out," said Jonathan as he moved to sit at her feet. Maori sat for a moment, a forlorn look crossing over her face as she thought of that time.

"Mom had made an extreme effort to be strong during Dad's ceremony," began Maori, "but," and she hesitated trying to gain control of her voice..................

** The morning after the service Maori rose early, thinking she would fix coffee for her mother but as she quietly walked past her parent's bedroom and glanced in, noticed her mother was not there. Going downstairs she did not see her in the family room, or the kitchen, but noted the coffee had already been made. Walking to the back door she looked out at The Family and saw her mother on her knees with her arms wrapped around the father. Maori quickly walked out to her and hearing her approach, Kathryn looked up, her face stained with tears. "I couldn't sleep, the bed was so empty. Oh Maori, I miss him so. My heart aches! I just can't live without him!"

Maori kneeled by her mother, slipping one arm around her shoulders. "I know Mom, I know."

"But you really don't, sweetheart," she whispered. "It took me so long to admit I loved him. I've never known such love and peace in my life and now he's gone and I just don't want to live without him, Maori. I need to be with him."

She looked deeply into her mother's eyes and saw such intense pain her heart felt like it was going to spasm. Instinctively she knew they were not just hollow words. "It's going to take time, Mom, but somehow all of us will make it through this and get by," she said in an almost pleading tone.

Mom just shook her head and started sobbing, wrenching sobs that sounded like they were going to tear her in half. "I just love him so much, and now he's gone" she said between sobs.

Suddenly she turned and clung tightly to Maori, who could think of nothing to say or do except to gently pat and rub her mom's back. Even though she had been a Captain in Starfleet, which required tremendous strength emotionally and physically, she was unable to control her emotions when it came to her beloved Chakotay. Adam and Katie came by shortly but nothing could be said that would help. She was totally devastated - an empty shell without Dad.

A week went by and then another and Mom couldn't, or wouldn't, pull out of her grief. I kept thinking back to what dad told us about her deep depression and leaving the ship and this seemed like that. She just sat at the kitchen window staring out at The Family or sitting outside next to it. Neelix, Tom and B'Elanna and several others came by, but Mom was barely aware of them. One day I told Adam and Katie she was willing herself to die, but they felt she would soon get better. She didn't and at the end of the third week . . .

Well, I already told you how she suddenly put her arm around me that night at The Family, said how much she loved all of us but was going to join her beloved husband, put her head against my shoulder, closed her eyes and was gone. She just did not want to live without Dad.

Starfleet, of course, wanted a grandiose tribute and service for her as an ex Captain, but we kept it like Dad's, a horse drawn caisson, a pre-arranged route so people could pay their respects and friends and former Voyager crew members at the gravesite. I must say the memorial service at the Amphitheatre was moving, though. They had set up a screen and showed clips of Mom - and Dad was also in a lot of the clips - there were some moving speeches, but again like Dad's service the best were reminiscences of some of the crew members.

The house was so empty without them! Every step I took seemed to echo and I cried myself to sleep every night, but during the day I tried to be stoic. Then one night - and I just refuse to believe it was a dream - Mom and Dad's spirits came to me. They smiled and said I would be all right and they would always be around. I felt better after that . . . it was like they gave me some of their strength. It did take me awhile, though, before I could go into their bedroom, but now I find great comfort when I'm in there, even though I cry and feel empty from missing them so much............ **

"We had very special parents, Jonathan, very special," she said as she stopped talking.

Jonathan had tried to be strong while Maori told about Mom, as he wanted to help her as she had helped him, but eventually he had broken down and now he and Maori were each sobbing with tears rolling uncontrollably down their cheeks and they put their arms around each other and held tight for several minutes.

"They were super special Maori," Jonathan whispered, "we were so fortunate and blessed to have them as our parents."

Just then Annie, Kolopak and Jeremiah came around the side of the house. Seeing the hug and the tears, Annie, in her infinite wisdom, remained quiet, just walked over to Bartu and gave him a hug and a kiss. His eyes glistened with moisture as he softly told Annie that Maori had told Jonathan about Kathryn's death. Then he looked at her and smiled. "How soon the child Annie?"

She smiled. "Just came from the Doctor . . . that's why Jonathan was here. For some reason he felt compelled to see Maori so I dropped him off on the way, and as we want out children to understand about the miracle of birth I had them with me at the Doctor's." At that moment Jonathan and Maori joined them, and after kissing Annie Jonathan asked what the Doctor said.

"Well, he said despite the Borg, the fall and all that excitement I was still doing well, no problems have arisen, and today I let him tell me the sex of the child . . . " She stopped and smiled at Jonathan.

"So tell me!" he said excitedly.

"We are going to have a girl, Jonathan," Annie said as she slipped her arms around his neck.

He tilted his head back and roared, "Yes!" He then hugged her and as he pulled back he whispered proudly, "It's Kathryn - we're going to have a girl named Kathryn.........."

*****

Four months later Annie gave birth to a healthy, blue-eyed, auburn haired girl. As Jonathan lifted her into his arms for the first time, he kissed her and said softly, "Hello Kathryn, welcome to our family. Do I ever have a story to tell you about the greatest grandparents in the world."

Kathryn, whose arms and legs had been in constant movement, suddenly stopped still, looked up at Jonathan and smiled.

The End

To be continued with "Time, Tears and Joy"

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