Disclaimer: Star Trek and all things Trek belong to Paramount. No infringement intended. Just using some of the characters for my story.

A Long Lost Love

by Dee Price


Kathryn groaned as she slowly rose from her chair. Getting old was really beginning to be discouraging she muttered to herself. Slowly she headed for her bedroom where with the assistance of her live-in helper, Mattie, she changed clothes. Tonight was a big night, for her and a lot of other people. It was the 50th Anniversary of the return of Voyager from the Delta Quadrant and Starfleet had decided to invite as many of the crew that were still alive to help celebrate this gala festivity.

Voyager had brought back many discoveries that were in use in Starfleet today and even improved upon since then. Kathryn now 95 years old was looking forward to this event. It would be so good to see her old crew again, even if she probably wouldn't recognize some, due not only to time, but her fading vision.

She sat on the bed with a big sigh and motioned to Mattie she would like to rest a minute before continuing. As she sat there she thought of her Senior Officers. At first in the excitement of the homecoming festivities she saw them a lot, but gradually that dissipated until she hadn't seen them now for years.

Her thoughts drifted to Chakotay, her handsome First Officer. She had been sent out to capture him, and, to save the Ocampa race, he had helped her battle the Kazon Ogla and then assimilated his crew into hers after ramming his ship into the huge Ogla Battle Cruiser. Chakotay served her loyally for those seven years on Voyager, and then after the excitement had died down had told her one day he was going to go see his old village on Dorvan 'for awhile', but he never returned. She wondered if he would be there tonight. A few years after he had left she heard rumors he had married someone on Dorvan, but nothing more.

Sighing, she finished dressing and walked to the front room to await the Shuttle Starfleet was sending for her. Thirty minutes later an Ensign appeared at her door. Upon arrival at the festivities, he proudly escorted her through the crowd towards her table, stopping on occasion while she said hello to someone who greeted her.

The music was playing and various people, upon learning their Captain Janeway was present, stopped by her table to say hello. She had a fond conversation with Tuvok, who although extremely elderly and frail, had decided to attend. Also B'Elanna and Tom, who had married after their return, as well as Harry, who had advanced to an Admiral before retiring, and the ever-smiling Neelix. An hour went by and as she sat and looked around she suddenly heard, "Hello, Kathryn."

That voice . . . that soft, rich voice she would know anywhere, even after fifty years! Looking up she smiled in delight.

"Hello Chakotay. I was wondering if you would come."

With a groan he slowly sat down in a chair beside her and smiled. Still has that marvelous smile and dimples, thought Kathryn as she looked at him.

"Well I debated. It's a long trip for someone my age, but then I figured I might as well, as Starfleet was making such a big issue about it. Besides, it would be good to see everyone again. How have you been, Kathryn?"

She smiled. "Like you, getting older! But other than a few infirmities, fine. However, I see you have aged gracefully, Chakotay. You are as handsome and dashing as ever."

"I doubt that Kathryn, especially the dashing. Haven't moved faster than a shuffle for years," he said, and they both laughed. He then looked at her a moment before adding, "But you are still as beautiful as ever."

Kathryn chuckled. "Well now that we have complimented one another and dispensed with those amenities, we can just talk." She looked around the room as an awkward silence followed and said, "It looks like Starfleet has rounded up a lot of the crew."

"Seems that way," said Chakotay absently. "It was good to see B'Elanna again ... and Tom. They seem happy. B'Elanna appears to have tamed Tom, or is it the other way around?"

"Probably both," said Kathryn laughing. She turned and looked back at Chakotay and was startled to see him looking at her, looking deep into her eyes, deep into her very soul. As she looked back she saw it and her heart jumped . . . the love, the passion, the deep feelings for her she had so often seen in his eyes on Voyager - the relationship that she hadn't allowed to happen. As quickly as it appeared, the look disappeared and turned to sadness, pain and loneliness. She continued looking at him, then slowly and quietly reached out her hand to his laying on top of the table, and gently placed hers atop his large, warm hand.

"What happened to us, Chakotay?" she asked softly.

"Starfleet," came the simple reply. "Starfleet happened to us, Kathryn . . ."

She patted his hand and nodded. "Yes," she whispered, "Starfleet." Then she sighed and looked down at the table for several long moments, while continuing to rest her hand on his. She noted he made nary a move, either away from her touch or to hold her hand, and felt pangs of regret. Raising her head to again look at him she found a big lump in her throat prevented her from speaking, and her eyes stung with a desire to cry.

Finally she managed to utter, "How is your wife? I heard at one time you got married."

He sat and looked at her for a very long time without answering, then softly said, "You heard wrong. I never married. You were the only woman I loved, the only woman I will ever love, Kathryn. You knew that on Voyager and you know it now."

They looked at one another but before she could respond, Harry and Neelix walked up and after asking to join them, sat for thirty minutes with Neelix dominating the conversation, during which Kathryn and Chakotay barely looked at one another, concentrating instead on this conversation. Finally both Harry and Neelix left to rejoin their families, but Kathryn and Chakotay were not left alone, as many of the crew continued to stop by and briefly chat. In the few moments they had, the conversation was simply meaningless chitchat.

Chakotay suddenly stood during one lull and looking down at Kathryn held out his hand. "I may step on your feet, but would you care to dance one dance with me Kathryn?"

"I would be delighted, Chakotay," she said as he helped her rise. Moving out on the dance floor she felt a tingle of excitement as he took hold of her hand and placed the other at her waist. As they slowly moved to the music, they became lost in each other's eyes and without knowing when, found themselves dancing body to body and then cheek to cheek.

She whispered, "You know, in all the events Neelix had on Voyager, we never once shared a dance."

Chakotay chuckled as he answered. "We didn't dare. Tom would have had a bet going before the music stopped."

Kathryn giggled as she nodded her head. "He was really something wasn't he?"

Soon they were aware the music was ending and Chakotay escorted her back to the table where they finished their meal, spoke briefly with other crewmembers, and had moments of awkward silence.

Near the end of the evening Chakotay suddenly smiled and moaning softly, rose. "Well it has been good seeing you again, Kathryn, but I have to leave now. It's a long flight back to Dorvan and I can't miss my Transport, although it rarely seems to run on time. Take care of yourself," he said as he looked down at her, then added quietly, "Goodbye Kathryn" and turned and walked away before she could barely utter, "Goodbye Chakotay . . ."

Kathryn watched as he made his way through the room, never taking her eyes off him until he vanished through the doors. Even then she continued to stare. He's gone . . . again. Walked away from me once more, and I still didn't tell him how I felt about him, even when he admitted he still loved me. She wondered what kept her from saying anything. I do love him, she said fiercely to herself. So very much! Why can't I tell him? Why wont the words come out?

Ten minutes later she sent a request for the Ensign to take her home, she was tired and ready to leave. The young man immediately appeared and escorted her out of the room and to her shuttle. As she sat down with a big sigh, she thanked him and leaning back closed her eyes. She felt so tired . . . but was it tired or loneliness she wondered. Presently she felt a hand gently shaking her shoulder. "You're home maam," said the Ensign.

Looking out the window she saw her house and nodded. Home, her home, and again she would be alone and lonely. Death would be welcome she mused as the Ensign helped her out and up the steps. Mattie opened the door and took over for the Ensign, walking her to her bedroom.

* * *

Chakotay arrived at the Shuttle station and noted with a knowing smile the Transport was late. Sitting down he pulled out a PADD and read for a while. It was a collection of short adventure stories, as he hadn't wanted to read anything deep on this trip. After a time he heard the announcement the Transport had arrived and sauntered to the beam up area and soon was standing on the platform. He idly watched the people debark and then, even knowing the Transport would not leave for thirty more minutes, decided to board anyway and find a good seat. He felt tired and would probably sleep all the way home.

Finding a good seat near the rear he sat down heavily, then turned and looked out the port view and down at Earth, down where Kathryn was. "Kathryn" he sighed wistfully, then after putting his shoulder harness on leaned back and closed his eyes. Might as well get a head start on his rest he mused to himself.

But sleep would not come as his mind stayed on Kathryn. She was as beautiful as he remembered. He shouldn't have come he berated himself. All it did was open old wounds, expose his feelings, the feelings he thought he had buried years ago, but now knew they would never leave him and never be fulfilled. He would never be with his Soulmate and his heart cried out to his Spirits at that injustice. Finally he drifted off to sleep, waking only into that gray world briefly when he felt the Transport depart.

The announcement the Transport had arrived at Dorvan stirred Chakotay from his sleep. He had not awakened once during the trip, and realized how tired he really was to sleep that soundly. Being 95 years wasn't easy, even in this century when it wasn't considered that old. He grinned to himself at this. People now lived into the 130's quite easily, so that meant he had a lot of years left. He was just tired from loneliness. Sighing he slowly walked off the Transport and headed to the beam down station, stopping briefly to arrange for a Shuttle to take him home.

As he dematerialized on Dorvan he hesitated a moment, then walked to a shop and purchased a glass of lemonade. As he stood sipping it and staring off into space, his mind wandered once again to Kathryn. He had been a fool to go to Earth!

Finishing his lemonade he stood silently for a while, watching the people come and go, hearing announcements about Transports arriving and leaving, even the announcement about an Express that was docking. People seemed to rush in that direction and he smiled. Loved ones in a hurry to get home he thought

Finally, he headed for the Shuttle lot. It took him longer than he would have liked as the crowd seemed unusually dense, but once at the desk he gave his name and was told the stall where the shuttle was parked.

Suddenly he felt an arm slip through his and turned to look into the face of Kathryn. She smiled and in a husky, soft voice said, "I know this is fifty years late, but would it be all right if you took me home with you?"

The End

August 1999

Edited/Revised Oct 2002

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