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Kate Mulgrew Meets Kathryn Janeway

****This story is the result of a dare from my pond, to have Kate Mulgrew, who speaks large, long words, which we refer to as 'Katespeak', meet the fictional Captain Kathryn Janeway. This is the result of said dare. ****

by Dee Price


Kate Mulgrew walked briskly into the room and abruptly stopped midway to look at the woman standing by the window.

Kathryn Janeway, in full Starfleet uniform, turned and as she was want to do, smiled and moved forward, her hand extended. "I'm Kathryn Janeway."

"So you say," said Kate and stood silently looking Kathryn up and down. Janeway did the same and it was obvious each was 'sizing up' the other.

Finally Kate smiled and said, "Actually you are that fictional Star Trek Captain, aren't you?"

Janeway's right eyebrow arched up. That wasn't a good start.

"Are you saying I am the square root of a negative quantity?"

Kate's mouth started to open, but she recovered and with a broad smile said, "I don't believe I said that."

"Well then, let me assure you I am not a non-existent entity, and for you to think I am merely spurious or chimerical, is an anathema."

Kate's eyes momentarily dilated, as despite her vocabulary, she had absolutely no idea what Kathryn had just said, but soon recovered and with a straight-faced expression and a smile indicating she understood, responded, "With your apparent antipathy, I believe you are injudicious and pretentious in your thoughts."

Kathryn frowned, and used all of her experience to keep her face from blanching. What on earth did she just say? Was I just insulted? Well she would forge ahead as if she understood completely and hope her guess was right.

"Well I believe your sagacity and percipience is illusory. You see me standing before you. Do you not believe I am real?"

"Oh you are an entity all right, but actually more a conundrum," Kate replied, feeling she understood that last sentence just fine. "Tell me, whoever you are, how do you enjoy playing this fictional character of Janeway?"

Kathryn was not used to being called a riddle. Good Lord, she had battled all kinds of aliens as well as the mighty Borg, and that was way too real. Where did this woman get off calling her fictional – she was such a clinchpoop!

"That smacks of Grundyism," said Kathryn, while smiling with a clenched jaw.

Kate suddenly smiled. This woman had some vocabulary! "Let's start again shall we? I think we got off on the wrong foot."

Kathryn nodded and smiled. "I agree. An abeyance of snide comments is quite appropriate. So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm an actress."

"A what?"

"I act. I play make believe roles before cameras as entertainment for the public."

Aha thought Kathryn. She plays fictional roles and yet had the gall to call me fictional!

"How nice," Janeway replied. "I'll have to see you in action some time."

Kate smiled. "How about you, Kathryn? In your role of Janeway, what have you done?"

Kathryn smiled. "Well I am the Captain of a Starship called Voyager and . . ."

"Star what?" interrupted Kate.

"Starship. It is a ship that flies in space."

"Oh you mean a plane!"

"No, no, it is much more than a plane. We fly hundreds of miles up in space. Much further up than any plane can go and we go to other worlds and galaxies."

Right, mused Kate to herself while nodding and smiling as if believing this.

Kathryn continued on with gusto. This was her element! "We have met Klingons, Romulans, Ferengi, Vidiaan's, Kazon, Hirogen, the mighty Borg and many more alien species. We have flown into gaseous anomalies and lived, and been and seen various class planets such as D, H, K, L and M, the last of coarse being like Earth. Aliens, some of who have much higher technology than our phasers, quantum torpedoes and transporters, inhabit many planets. The only thing they didn't seem to have was Replicators.

Kate turned slightly and whispered to her companion, who was standing behind her. "What did she say?"

"I have no idea, dear. I'm in politics, not science fiction."

"Same thing," replied Kate as she turned back to Kathryn with a big smile. "What a story!" enthused Kate. "Have you tried selling that to some producer?"

"What for? It's already been played out," she replied. Then to herself: more times than I care to remember. That damn Braga wasn't original for the last four years!

"I see," said Kate. "Well it was certainly a farrago then, having all that marlock. You must have exceptional ken to do all that – whatever you said you did."

Kathryn turned to her companion. "What did she say?" she whispered in a low tone.

"She said you spoke of a confused mixture of things and have great knowledge," he replied.

Kathryn muttered softly, "Why doesn't she say that in plain English?"

Meanwhile, Kate, on hearing Kathryn's companion answer, turned to her friend and said, "Why couldn't you give me an answer like that?"

"I'm a politician remember and we do doublespeak. I haven't detected that in Kathryn Janeway as yet."

"I noticed she used hlonipa," replied Kate, "but in an almost vagary way. Stay with the conversation, please." Her companion nodded.

Kate turned back and saw Kathryn staring at her with an amused almost givy expression. "You say you are a Captain. Do you have a crew then?"

"Oh yes," smiled Kathryn. "My crew on Voyager was 141 crewmembers."

"But you obviously had someone to help you with that many people."

"Yes my First Officer is second in command. I must tell you about him. Seems he is somewhat a swashbuckler, that is a sobriquet by the way, who had malism. Every time he met a lovely young alien he would deosculate so that his coterie came to believe he was in the field of philematology, even though he really wasn't. You see he was actually a funambulist who felt entheal and started to practice the art of cosset. However, the crew soon caught on and realized it was just a bunch of kokum."

Kate felt great dysphoria and her eyes were now spinning as she looked back.

"Don't ask me. I lost her on sobriquet!" quickly responded her companion.

"He sounds fascinating. He must have been a great help to you," Kate said as she looked back at Kathryn.

"He was - very much. So tell me about yourself, Kate."

Kate smiled. "Well as I told you I am an actress but I am also into politics at the moment."

"Oh dear, you poor thing," said Kathryn. "We did away with politics. They were just too capricious and maladroit."

Kate smiled. "And also very loving, quidnunc people, I might add."

Kathryn smiled and nodded her head. "That's a contrapuntal, but go ahead."

"Contrapuntal or malapropism?" responded Kate with an arched eyebrow.

"Whatever," replied Kathryn with a shrug of her shoulders, as she looked back at her companion.

He too, shrugged his shoulders and said, "I have no idea."

Kathryn turned back to Kate and smiled. "You seem a woman of great polymath."

"Thank you, and you have great animus," replied Kate with a smirk. She understood exactly what polymath meant!

Kathryn, although not understanding animus, somehow felt just by the sound of the word that she had been insulted, but replied, "Thank you, Kate, and I'm sure the same applies to you. However, I must admit, that after this conversation I find you do not seem fatuous, at least not in the literal sense. "

The women continued this exchange for several more minutes until Kate looked at her watch while Kathryn looked at her chronometer. Both said their goodbyes and as each left the room and walked in different directions their companion each asked, "What on earth did you two just talk about?"

Each, unknown to the other, replied with, "I haven't the slightest idea, but I think she is very flighty, uses malapropism and her conversation is quite illusory."

The End

Sep 2002

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