Disclaimer: This fairy tale, like all fairy tales, endures in our minds, unlike Paramount who owns all things associated with the world of Star Trek and laughs at screwing up our minds. However I borrowed a couple of characters.

Once Upon A Time

by Dee Price


Once upon a time, in the 24th Century, there was a Starship called Voyager, whose Captain was Kathryn Janeway. One day, her boss, Starfleet Command, ordered Captain Janeway to go out and capture a Maquis Captain by the name of Chakotay. It seems this rascal was stealing Starfleet's playthings and they didn't like that one little bit. No siree! In fact they pouted, stamped their feet and yelled "We don't like you for taking our things! We'll get you for this!"

So Captain Janeway got her brand new ship and started after Captain Chakotay. But a funny thing happened on the way to capture this rogue -- fate intervened and both ships were thrown into a galaxy far, far away -- sorry that's another Sci-Fi genre. Anyway, both ships ended up in the Delta Quadrant, which is still far, far away from the Alpha Quadrant no matter how you cut it!

Come to find out some crusty old man brought them there.

"The nerve of you to take us from our home!" shouted Janeway.

"Why have you done this to us," asked Chakotay in a soft voice.

"You're a contentious bi-pedal species, you're not what I want," replied the old man. "Go find your own way home."

Well Janeway didn't care for that attitude, but as it turned out, they indeed had to find their own way home when Janeway, trying to keep another species from taking over this old man's array, proceeded to blow it right out of the sky. A dumb decision you say? (Well without it there wouldn't be this story now would there?)

Moving right along, the two crew's combined on Voyager and Captain Janeway, deciding she needed to keep peace in the family, appointed Chakotay as her First Officer. Feeling quite smug at that she was taken aback when he replied, "I wont be your token Maquis First Officer!" However her focus was on his lips not his words and they started their journey to return to the Alpha Quadrant. The fact it was 75 years away was immaterial, she would just stare at his lips the whole time, make enemies of every alien race she met and Voyager would take a licking but keep on ticking.

A few years went by and Ensign Kim was sucked out into space and yet we have an Ensign Kim. Naomi Wildman died as a baby yet we have a six-year old Naomi, and Kes zipped away as a ball of energy. Holy Batman! What is going on in that Delta Quadrant?

But that's not all! Following these amazing events, Janeway assimilated a Borg Drone into Voyager's crew, confusing the ungrateful thing as that usually happened in reverse, and poor Chakotay seemed to crash every shuttle he got into, until one day he stomped into Janeway's Ready Room and complained the writers were giving him a bad reputation!

Anyway Janeway and Chakotay, or JC for short - hmmm that's catchy - became good friends. In fact you could see the rapport and care they developed for one another, but alas and alack, in this fairy tale, Cinderella and Prince Charming kept hearing the bong of the clock striking midnight without any happy resolution. (It is whispered a bb pellet was launched to spite those who thought it was something special.) Following the arrival of the scattered bb pellets, Chakotay was given trysts with an ex Borg who got into his mind, someone else he couldn't even remember and someone who looked like an overgrown grasshopper. As to Janeway she seemed to lust after holographic characters, which makes one wonder what got into her mind.

As this fairy tale continued, the good old Captain became the hard old Captain, feeling that was better than being a warm, compassionate human being, which totally confused and disgruntled the readers, or viewers as the case may be. During this time the ship entered an immense area of space that was black as the ace of spades and she decided to disassociate herself from the crew while she either felt sorry or blamed her self for the pickle they were in.

In fact, the only time our beloved Captain Janeway came out of her room was when a robot started wandering the corridors shouting "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson," and she charged out of her quarters armed with old Betsy and snarled to the robot, "Get the name right mister or you're a bunch of burnt out computer chips!"

A short time later along came another Starfleet Captain, also stranded in the Delta Quadrant by that cantankerous old man back at the no longer existing array, and he was going to get home before her by disregarding Starfleet's Directive. Well, Captain Janeway couldn't have that and proceeded to go after him with gusto as well as vengeance, decidedly not cool for a Starfleet Captain. In fact, the crew, in utter dismay, began to wonder who this person masquerading as the Captain was. Surely this could not be the good Captain Janeway?

However, as in all fairy tales, good triumphs over evil - or as in this case, slightly bad over really bad - and this adventure was resolved with the other Captain seeing the error of his ways and going out in a beautiful fireworks display, eliciting many ooh's and ah's from the crew as well as viewers. Captain Janeway almost, but not quite, apologized to her First Officer Chakotay, who as always forgave her.

Now they are closer to getting home, within oh . . . about 30 years, and achieved through some ingenious means I must say. So what will happen to Voyager on the remaining journey? What will happen to JC when they get back to Earth? Will Captain Janeway desert her holographic lover for a 'shag me baby' real thing? For that matter what will happen to this story! Stay tuned for "As The Voyager Turns." Check your nightly schedule for the next installment.

Ahem, excuse the interruption. An apparent anomaly entered this quadrant of the fairy tale. Back to the story . . . What will happen to our intrepid heroes? Well, like all fairy tales, it's supposed to have a happy ending, but time, and hopefully some new writers, will tell.

The End

1999

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